i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
