now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
