OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
