i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
