Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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