I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
