I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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