Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
