I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
