Your dad touched me again.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
