I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
