We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
