If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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