wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
