Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
