I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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