saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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