I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
