Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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