1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
