Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
