Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize