New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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