Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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