I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
