U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Randomize
