How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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