yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
birth control should be required to get into college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
