Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
