Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
