SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
