Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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