You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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