M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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