I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
