I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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