4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
