Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
