I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize