Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
tell me about the eggs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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