he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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