that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
