Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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