My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
