I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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