i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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