EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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