happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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