Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have already put on my inside pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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