whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
