after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Iād clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ārang in the New Yearā with some rando in there last night
Randomize
