That's when you crack a 10am beer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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