You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Say something about gay babies.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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