You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
