Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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