I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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