My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
