apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
