I puked a lego.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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