I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
