Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
