I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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