these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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