well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
