so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
