so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
