My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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