I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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