The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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