u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?