Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.