Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.