I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.