i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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