I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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